Thoughts running wild like free. What I realized was only the starting period where the guys starts to chase a girl, he does all those things, those sweet stuff, those you've never seen before. It's only during that period you see. other than that, nah. I used to compare him with my friend's boy. He does so much things for her and all, and never once grumble. I was once "sigh why mine wasn't like that, if only.."
But then I realized, no. Not all guys can be the same, not all guys know how to do such stuffs to his girlfriend, not all guys are gentlemen enough, not all guys are capable. But one thing for sure, that guy will definitely love you whole heartedly.
He might not be paying for the girl, he might not be doing sweet stuff, but it's all fine. Maybe he is just different. I kept thinking about many factors, like is he the right one for me? Is he the one I really "love"? Or Does he really really love me?
One cannot simply find a perfect boyfriend. One has to make that guy of yours perfect in your eyes. It is what you see and what you feel.
Sigh, I asked back at you where's all the sweet stuff where you once promised me you will do. What the reply was, then where's mine. And that reply wasn't what I wanted oh. I was practically shock at what you said. Immediate should my head, • WHAT. So now you're trying to say I have not done anything for you all the stuffs I once did, it got wash away into the sea • Wow just Wow. Just another disappointment sigh. Not that I'm being demanding or what, but if you wanna think that way, I've nothing to say.
So you said where's mine. Let me answer you right here. Ask your heart, when have I NEVER done anything for you? just when. Probably now I think it's getting hard to please you. I go all the way to your house early morning just to surprise you. that extra mile, and did I ask for anything? I get your favorite food ( like dorakeiki ) and did I ask for anything? I tried my best to give you a surprise gift through my bro Darren, did I ask for anything? I made that card for you and did I ask for anything? I find all ways to get the marvels polaroid, and I thought you will be amazed or happy when we had the first polaroid picture taken but you wasn't, and I definitely still remember the look on your face. I went to the airport to surprise you, I cooked for you, got you some couple cap which I dontknow where you put. From the bottom of my heart, I didn't felt like you really do appreciate the things I did. or maybe you did, but I didn't realized. All I ask for was you to be happy and as long you are, I am too. Just a simple wish.
At times when I was upset, I don't wish to show it to you. I would rather keep it to myself. Cause you can't understand and never will. It just complicated as it is.
( ONLY THE CHASING PERIOD )
And ya I know what you did for me so far, during school days, you got me honey lemon. When my throat was bad, you got me strepsils, perhaps if you don't recall I still keep the wrapper somewhere. It was too nostalgia for me.
One more thing, the couple necklace that you got online, although it may not be expensive or whatsoever, it was the thought and heart that counts. That's was the first couple thing you got for me, I'm happy of course and can't wait to wear it with you.
Now, I had to ask you to do sweet things for me. Forget it la, it's too tiring for you right. It's probably too late for anything to be.
I really wonder, if I hadn't start the talk with you. What will it be like now. Sigh, maybe everything started too fast I guess. Everyone thought we were the perfect match for each other, but perhaps they aren't aware of behind the scenes. At first I thought like, it's the first month till then, we never quarrel, or angry at each other and stuff. I was so glad and wished it will be this way till long. But now I know, it can't be that way. It was only the honeymoon period for every couple and when it's over the war begins. The fight, the craps and all the nasty nonsense starts coming up from everywhere. But good to say, ours was not as bad. It may be complex because of me. And yeah, everything was my fault. It's just cause I couldn't understand myself and you. Thanks for all the constant teaching and lessons and scoldings. I start to get them one by one. Sometimes you're right and sometimes you're wrong. Everybody makes mistakes.
I know. I talk to other guys, which are my bros. ( I considered my guy friends as my bros ) I looked at other guys saying their cute and not bad looking and even all these to you. You must have been upset or not feeling good about it, I'm sorry I couldn't help it. This was just me being me. I've always been like this since secondary school.
Hard choices to make. Oh my, why does things always have to make my life so difficult at times. Sigh really hate last minute stuff.. Yeah I get it. My fault, I choose them over you, I didn't know your date with your bros wasn't not confirm, and just nice some friend had to ask me if I'm free the next morning. my bad for all alright.
My 18th, I had to ask you out for my birthday, that's totally no face for myself. There's even another guy, who was once like a brotherly guy to me, remember my birthday and told me that he promised to bring me out during this day. I felt bad not cause I didn't go out with him but because I forgot about it, like really. It was indeed sweet for him, that I would say. That day past like a normal day, I meant, I wasn't asking for anything much just a day spend with me will be all good.
Your birthday, I was in school having work to do, but of course I didn't forget your birthday, I was sorry that I didn't plan anything for you but your bro friends who ask me along for your birthday. And so I tried to make it a mini surprise, to say I had to go home and stuff but in actual to come and eat with you and them all. It was a bit awkz for me too as I didn't know them that well.
If you thought back carefully, almost all our dates, I'm the one that asked you out. Oh my, shouldn't it be the other way? I also googled stuff like, should the guy pay for the girl? Almost all the comments said of course, ya he should and stuff. I remembered I told you that you will pay for yours and same goes for me. Now too, I started holding your hands most of the time.. it all felt like their other way round right now. I dontknow what to do anymore boon. I'm slowly drifting into darkness.
I know what my stand was, that I should pay for my own stuff, shouldn't use yours. But when I started to really see more, I see the guys paying for the girl, sometimes half half, treating her during special occasion like maybe say once a while, I started to look towards that way too. But I also know you wouldn't be that and never will. So I know I had to give up that thought and carry on being me, of what I used to be. Call me
Usually, the one who asks the other out is the one who pays. I get that, and maybe I don't wanna ask you out anymore.
People say, the guy should pay for everything, to show that he is capable for taking care of you and to show she is more valuable than money but that gesture has to be done wholeheartedly. of course there was once I was particularly upset because of that money issue thing, it's because that ex/boy was stingy and only think for himself. I know you're definitely different and so much better.
There's just too much things happening between us. Cold war, ignorance, the pains, cries, retarded stuffs, almost suicide but I coward, almost breakups, heartbreaks. It's too much. I know both of us are not entirely matured. We have our silly acts and childish sides.
Just wanna say, if one day you think we aren't suitable for each other, leave me. I will understand. As for me, no I'm not gonna do that. I'll try to understand in your place and let you do whichever things you want. I'm not gonna say it's wrong but just let you realize things in your way.
Maybe after reading this, you may still feel I am wrong or I've wronged you in whatever I say, I just dontknow what to say anymore. Couldn't ask for more to have such a boyfriend like you. Thanks indeed for walking into my life and bringing so much happiness. I'm contended enough.
The million dollar question, •Are we suitable for each other, given our different mindset•
