I keep asking myself the same question, every day and night.
"Are we compatible?"
Been thinking and thinking, there just appears nothing. No answer, no voices.
To be honest, I really dontknow what should I do. Or maybe I should forbid myself from saying "I dontknow" cause no one will ever try to understand what message I'm trying to convey. I feel, it's pointless to carry on like this, without any direction.
I feel there's a distance, something I couldn't grab hold of. We are together, yet we acted like we are strangers, get it? I'm afraid we met for the wrong reason, the last thing I wish it would happen.
I feel estranged. I feel we are worlds apart. What should I do?
Nonsense coming in and out of my head right now. I went and told my closest friends; what I feel, what I'm going through, what am I thinking.
Just exactly, what the hell am I thinking? I dontknow how to even handle my own emotions, how can I get into a relationship. Maybe I wasn't in the right state of mind.
"I couldn't find a reason to reject you, that's why I stayed."
Friends reply " That's utterly rubbish."
What's wrong with me. I'm a problematic kid, I admit. There's just something wrong deep down sowewhere, yet I couldn't figure it out. You may think I'm just overthinking, but I'm not. You dontknow what I've really been through, I know there's others who are far worst than me, and yet just another me.
I've a hard life. Define hard life. Family, friends, relationships, personal life. I like being alone, it's the next best thing. If I could turn my life around, I would rather not take shortcuts and follow the road. Meaning? It just means that, I want a pure simple life. It's that hard? I doubted. Nothing comes easy, I get that. That's life.
All this came from my unspoken heart, a heart that will never want to be told. I just think single life suits me much. I don't need a boy, I just want to be happy. Stay happy and do whatever I want without interference.
我那憔悴的心已碎了。
