Sunday, 10 February 2013
13:46
Had a super bad new year eve. and now I'm grounded..
Having so much fun with my friends last night and this morning, it decides to take a change. I'm sorry to all my friends whom I've caused trouble too. It was all my fault. Ton and drinking alcohol - is it wrong? I don't think so. I literally did nothing wrong at all. But in my dad eyes, whatever I do, was never good enough. Well, I was bad, I lied to him about many things. But honestly speaking, I really didn't meant to.. In the end, I tried to be honest with him.. He said I was lying again. Why wouldn't he trust me? I can't stand any longer. That moment when he scolded me this morning, a lot of thoughts were running wild in head. Only me and him in the house. I ask myself, should I just jump off the building?
I really dontknow what to do, feeling lost till now. Why can't I just have an understanding parents? Sometimes I wish I was a guy, being rebellious would mean nothing at all. I could stay out late at night, do whatever I like. Nothing will ever change. Sigh, till now I am thanking myself that I didnt die. I want to enjoy poly life, I don't want to die in regrets. But what can I do now? Nothing. Gahhhh should have just die laaaaa. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH.
I hate the world. I hate everything. Why is everything giving me so much problems? I can't even enjoy my life properly. I just want to enjoy my day with my friends. I will never forget that moment when I kneel down in front daddy, begging him to not get my friends in trouble. Listen up, dad this is for you. "I hate you for life. Thanks for causing a scar in my life, I can't believe you even wanted to bring me to the police and jail me. What kind of father are you? You're not even a good father. You've ruin our lives. I will never forget what you've done to me this day. I wished I was never your daughter." Remember at the start you were saying " you don't give a fuck about me?" and when you left the house for work you said " in my eyes, you all are my lovely daughters? " Don't tell me all this bullshits, I'm never talking to you again, NEVER.
Too much hatred inside of me, sighh.
-Fuckup
& I'm being random.
